Tag: Nirvana

Immerwehr/Immerwahr/Immerwar – BLEW

A name kept coming to me over the past few days, awake and asleep – and I understood the name to be Immerwehr which would be German for something like “always weaponized.” When I tried to look it up online, it kept flipping to Immerwahr and specifically a historian named Daniel Immerwahr. Immerwahr would mean “always true.” (True as in truth, rather than fidelity). My understanding is Daniel Immerwahr is a link to something, and being as he was born in 1980, it’s probably about family and/or connections. He does seem to have a famous grandmother called Clara Immerwahr (1870-1915), who, according to Wikipedia, was the first German woman to be awarded a doctorate in chemistry in Germany. Apparently she was a pacifist married to Fritz Haber who was largely responsible for developing the poison gasses used by Germany in World War I. She died by self-inflicted gunshot wound.

This alone links to two things immediately in my mind – first is my mother’s 1990s history doctorate which was in German Women Doctors of the 19th Century. The second was nurses notes in Chris’ hospice records where a nurse claimed that Chris and I had a loud argument (“yelling”) and saying that I said “Something about “she” is responsible for Kurt Cobain’s death and all the chemical warfare in this country” – a concocted and mystifying quote. (The “she” in the quote is I think supposed to be Chris’ sister Becky.)

Sometimes when quotes are concocted in records, they contain hidden truths. I have no idea if something like this is going on.

I also sense a link here to the incident that occurred in February 1974, when my mother’s horse fell into a booby trap, which the sheriffs (I believe disingenously) claimed was a “sinkhole” caused by an “underground stream.” Again – everywhere in that area the soil is packed clay. In fact, I have reason to believe that the Vietnam-era hole was created with explosives and covered up, similar to a military booby trap, and may have involved some of our neighbors working on behalf of the CIA – some of them had military backgrounds (Marines) and some had backgrounds in explosives. Had that incident been investigated properly, it would have been treated as a crime scene and those neighbors would have been questioned. Two months later, the pony incident occurred. Because when you don’t treat a crime as a crime all it does is empower the instigators to do more, and bigger, crimes.

That this booby trap and the pony incident were linked to the color blue has come through again and again.

Six years later, in 1980, Talking Heads released an album called Remain In Light with a song called “Once In A Lifetime” which references “water flowing underground” and features a repeated refrain “same as it always was” – In German Immerwar would men “Always was.”

Based on all of this – chemicals being linked to explosives – the “water flowing under ground” being the explanation given for the hole – and the idea of “always was/immerwar” – I think there’s some kind of connection between the name Immerwahr and the February 1974 booby trap.

still from Talking Heads "Once In A Lifetime" showing blue-green "water" texture behind David Byrne in suit, glasses, bow tie
1980 Talking Heads “Once In A Lifetime

Also – I think there’s a link to season 1 episode 1 of the Barney Miller show “Ramon” – where the police are taken hostage and Barney narrowly escapes being shot, explaining later “A situation like this happens once in a lifetime. You realize what that means? I’m safe for the rest of my lifetime.” (Obviously none of this is true.)

6 January 1989 Nirvana set list
6 January 1989 Nirvana set list – BLEW

In the Nirvana song “Blew” Cobain says

Is there another reason for your stain?
Could you believe who we knew stress or strain?
Here is another word that rhymes with shame, yeah

Maybe suggesting that those accusing others are hiding something about themselves (“another reason for your stain”). As for a word that rhyme with shame, it could be pain (Payne).

As for Immerwahr, I have the sense that Daniel Immerwahr specifically is linked to manufactured FBI files.

Nirvana opens for Mudhoney at Satyricon, January 6, 1989

This show keeps coming back to me, with more and more unusual details. I notice it’s the date (32 years earlier) of the insurrection at the US capitol. It is the first show that Nirvana played outside of Washington state, although the following month they would play San Francisco and then San José.

The show took place on a Friday night. There are posters circulating, with Nirvana’s name misspelled. However, it was only this year that I saw that there was a third band listed for that night, Inner Anger. If you look at the Satyricon calendar, Inner Anger is mentioned, but Nirvana is not.

True to the pattern I described, Napalm Beach plays the following Friday night. The Friday after that is the Dharma Bums. In some versions of the “when Kurt met Courtney” story, it takes place at a Dharma Bums show at Satyricon (not sure what year). In the Charles Cross version of the story it happens in January 1990 at a Nirvana show at Satyricon, and in the Everett True version, it’s the following year, 1991, in Los Angeles. But I’m starting to think the entire “controversy” over this is a shaggy dog story intended to distract from the real issue: that Courtney Love was a honey trap, and that her mission always included the demise of Kurt Cobain, Chris Newman and anyone else who might stand in the way (Erika Meyer, for example – thus, Op Anne Boleyn) of the continuation of a crime which has been illegally and inappropriately sustaining a number of people and financial entities.

Back to January 1989. David Ackerman and I were pals for a while. I ultimately stopped interacting with people because they couldn’t or wouldn’t be honest with me. When Ackerman and I were pals, I made him a photo website with the intent of helping him license his photos and/or sell them as fine art prints. To this end, I posted some photos from this show, but they were relatively small, with the idea that if they were swiped, as tends to happen online, they’d be to small to do much with. I tried to make sure he’d get credit so that people could trace the images back to him. However, it looks like since that time, someone under the user name “braunnoser” posted a much higher resolution version of the photo to reddit. David had these images on negatives which, when we were working together, he had scanned and put on CD. He gave me the CD so I could use it for his website, and he may have also kept a copy of the CD. There’s only two ways, that I know of, that this high resolution image could have gotten onto reddit: either David gave “braunnoser” a copy of the CD or the image from the CD (and I could totally see him doing this. He was a lot less protective of his work than I was) or, it was swiped from the CD I had stored, because in fact my stuff gets swiped all the time, and the CD of images from that show has “mysteriously” gone missing and been replaced in different areas probably more than once. Also, one of the admins of the Pacific Northwest Music Archives site from which I was booted is named Karl Braun.

To me, it looks like the photo was taken between sets, where one band was breaking down and another setting up. The set list belongs to Inner Anger who would release an album that year called My Head Hurts.

detail image showing set list behind Courtney posing near stage

Life Out
Don’t Leave
Cob Webs
The Tide

There’s more – there are newer versions of the posters associated with this show that are much clearer than what I’ve seen in years past. Here are two I found today:

Clearly, the version of the poster which includes Inner Anger is closer to the original. A question is, why Inner Anger appears one version and not the other – and is there a reason why the version with Inner Anger was not posted online anywhere until, as far as I can tell, this year. Also, now that I can see the poster with more detail, a few things stand out – there are not one, but two women on this poster, one black, one white, in this kind of occult twins formation. Also, they appear to have what looks like nipples over their butts. There was a band in Portland called Sweaty Nipples that seemed to play a lot of these same clubs. You can see them on this same January 1989 calendar, twice – once – on January 12 – opening for Burdyshaw’s Cat Butt. This looks to me like a link to the Mudhoney poster (nipples on a butt). January 12 is also the date, the following year, that Courtney would claim to first meet Kurt Cobain. Weird, right?

Also, and this I find particularly interesting – the style of the female figure on this poster is very close to art that Courtney Love would make. I think it’s even possible that it is her artwork. Even to this day she tends to draw these female figures with blonde bobbed hair, full lips, big eyes.

Courtney Love artwork

Finally, what is that stuff at the top of the flyer about THE WET SCENE? I googled the phrase and came up with a scene from he 1984 movie “Gremlins” on YouTube where water is spilled on a gremlin (Gizmo) and several more gremlins pop out, seemingly from its butt. This seems to contradict what happens, for example, to the witch in Wizard of Oz, when water is spilled on her. Rather than melting away, the Gremlins multiply. On this video someone commented “Gizmo knew from the start how this would end….” a phrase from the Hole song “Asking For It”

Do you see what I mean by “set ups”?

Other thoughts about the calendar – in addition to Kurtz Project (Trés Shannon of Voodoo Doughnut) – there’s what appears to be a band called Heart of Darkness playing on Tuesday the 17th. Drawing a parallel to my own life – Courtney had recently been in Minneapolis. It seems like she must have left Minnesota almost the same time as my honey trap boyfriend Mike Payne – he left in November 1988. I now wonder if maybe part of the reason he was there at all was to connect with Courtney Love in some way, because they both knew my friend Erika Schlaeger – in this situation, honey traps aren’t always romantic partners – they can be, and are, trusted friends too. That’s what Erika Schaeger was.

Around this period of time I’d been reading Heart of Darkness and Moby Dick for my college classes. The idea of Heart of Darkness links with Napalm Beach (Apocalypse Now being based on Heart of Darkness) and with what I was doing, as well as what this crew was up to. I feel like many of the bands on this particular calendar may have been linked in a web or net of sorts. I know that Courtney Love was plotting promotion strategies of various local bands going back to 1981 (because I saw a couple of her diaries) – and that the things she plotted out, she generally achieved. Satyricon owner George Touhouliotis seemed to be fairly close to her, so it makes me wonder if this entire January 1989 calendar involved her in some way.

Sept 19, 2022 update: I re-edited this entry today to correct mistakes around the band name Inner Anger. Also, found a set list for Nirvana:

6 January 1989 Nirvana set list

Love Buzz
Floyd the Barber
Mr Mustache
Paper Cuts
Mexican Seafood
Spank Thru
Hairspray Queen
Big Cheese


Hole and Nirvana – Dirty Boots 1990

Pinking out the black, dreaming in a crack
Satan got her tongue, now it’s undone

Sonic Youth, Dirty Boots (1990)

Every time that I stare into the sun
Angel dust and my dress just comes undone

Hole, Asking for It (1994)

“Good come in pink boxes”

The magic is in the hole

Voodoo Doughnut Slogans (2003-present)

When did Kurt Cobain meet Courtney Love? I’ve looked into this, and I don’t have an answer. Honestly, I’m not even sure when Chris and I first met, and that is because when you are into music and/or are a musician, and you are in a scene with other people who are into music and/or are musicians, you tend to know about people, especially performers, before personally meeting them. You might be in a room with the person, maybe be introduced briefly, or in someone’s orbit, part of a group conversation, etc. Then later on down the road, maybe you have the opportunity to have a longer conversation, but often it’s in a social setting with lots of other people. That’s how it was with Chris and me, and likely it was that way for Kurt and Courtney, but with the added twist of Courtney likely always had a mission and knew she had a mission. I say this because it seems clear to me now that when Courtney arrived in Portland in 1980, she was apparently on a mission to frame Chris Newman as a child rapist. It also seems clear that her father was part of that plan. Supposedly it was her father who provided her with the Owsley barrel acid she brought with her.

If it is true that Courtney had a mission with regards to Kurt Cobain, say by the mid-1980s, then it stands to reason she would have known when she first met Kurt, because she would have been paying attention, and it would have been a set up. By now I see that set ups are the rule, not the exception for people under this much surveillance and control – including Chris, me, my daughter, Kurt Cobain. This is unacceptable, by the way.

When I was running this Satyricon fan page on MySpace, as I said before, I received this at the time unpublished photo of Kurt Cobain by email which I thought was really neat. It was from Monica Nelson’s friend David Ackerman, a photographer who liked to take photos at Satyricon, and it was a performance photo from January 6, 1989.

Over time I saw more and more photos from that set eventually having access to the full collection. In one photo, I thought I recognized Courtney Love’s face looking up at Mudhoney, and sent an inquiry to Everett True about it, whom I already had had some email exchanges with, and he said that it might be her, but even if she was at the show, she was probably there to see Mudhoney, and there’s no evidence she met Kurt Cobain there. Later I realized the blonde woman in another photo was Courtney, or David told me it was her. The thing about this show is there weren’t many people there. Also, Courtney is pretty dressed up and front and center. I don’t know where she was living in 1989, but I now know she had been around my circle in Minneapolis in 1988, and in April or May of 1989 I would run into some LSD that was likely Owsley LSD – in Minneapolis. That may be nothing to do with Courtney, and everything to do with the CIA. It seemed like in the 1980s (and probably to this day) Courtney was/is always on the move with stations in New York, London, Los Angeles, etc. In the old days it included Portland, Seattle, San Francisco.

Then there’s this whole thing going on where even the most cursory contact with a person somehow earns another the “right” to file defamatory reports with the FBI. And by “defamatory” make no mistake – I don’t mean “negative” I mean full of damaging lies. For example, if I sell something to someone through the mail – the person pays me some money, and I put something in the mail to that person – or if I go and sell some musical equipment at a store – these people who engage in this simple, single straightforward transaction somehow have now earned the right make reports about me to the FBI. How this works I don’t understand. It could even be untrue, because I have no corroborating evidence. But it does seem to be true that any contact with a person whatsoever earns people, especially certain people, the right to create FBI files. So as soon as Courtney had some contact with, for example, Kurt Cobain, she could have been filing reports on him, with an agenda behind it all. And I have reason to believe that Sub Pop as a business was linked into all of this. The reason I believe this is because of how Cobain’s (Nirvana) shows were scheduled in relation to Chris’ (Napalm Beach or Snow Bud) shows – there was a parallel going on, not just in Europe but in Seattle and Portland, too. By this I mean, they typically would play the same clubs within a week or two of each other. (“I’ve been in your heart shaped box for too (two?) many weeks…”) I haven’t really shown this yet because every time I start working on collecting the data, the isht hits the fan.

I would ask myself why there would be a parallel going on. Sometimes things like this happen because there’s an occult side to this. Because the crimes are CIA and FBI linked, and police and the press are locked down (or that’s how they behave), there’s far less than usual concern about being “caught.” So there is some flaunting, display of power, going on.

The dirty plans for Kurt Cobain were, as most of these larger and more coordinated crimes are, not so much secret but covered up. I say this because I’m starting to see suggestions of something come out in videos both before and after the death of Kurt Cobain. There is the Sonic Youth video for Dirty Boots from 1990 showing a boy in a plaid shirt and a girl in a Nirvana t-shirt dramatically leaping off a stage, falling through the air. The Nirvana t-shirt has a home-made screen print look, with the word Nirvana appearing above a concentric circle radiation/target design similar to that used by Courtney on her posters for Hole. Also interesting that the t-shirt screen is red, since Cobain’s wrote his suicide note ~3 years later in red pen.

still from 1991 Sonic Youth Dirty Boots video showing girl in Nirvana t-shirt
Sonic Youth – Dirty Boots 1991

The girl in the Dirty Boots video supposedly was chosen after being seen dancing in a club in New Jersey. I suspect that there is something deliberate in that, the New Jersey link. The boy in this video seems like he had some resemblance to me during this era. His hair is the same or similar color, length, style.

Is “boots” a play on bootleg? See poster with Babes In Toyland mentioning “bootleg” and “dirty, icky clothes!!” – Is that in turn a link to the Columbo coat? And later, the cat-piss leather jacket? Another possibility has to do with Chris getting back together with Valarie in San Francisco October of 1989, the weekend before the Loma Prieta earthquake. Jan Celt had been quoted in the local music press making a comment that Chris had found gross, about how their “boots would be knocking.” In fact, just as Chris was leaving San Francisco, the bridge-buckling earthquake hit.

Later, when Chris and Valarie were living homeless on the streets of San Francisco (and it sounds like running off to San Francisco was Valarie’s idea; she’d grown up in San José) – there’s a story that I heard from both of them which is that Valarie would go dumpster diving for clothing or fabric behind a high fashion store, and the police would call her “Courtney” – like, greet her, “Hi Courtney!” I don’t know if this was a one-off or a regular occurrence but it suggests a link or parallel between Valarie Caldwell Newman and Courtney Love Cobain and that the police in San Francisco were aware of it. And it’s also linked to dumpster diving and maybe “dirty clothes.” Is the world “clothes” linked to death? (clothes/close)

Then there’s the 1992 Radiohead song “Creep.” There are different ways to listen to this song. Like, to me, maybe he’s not singing “I’m a weirdo” but “I’m a widow.” And “running out the door” is by design a mirror – meaning – either escape for the prisoners, Chris and me, or escape for the crime gang. In this case, the meaning is the latter, escape for the crime gang. And a primary strategy in this is to run out the clock – to get enough time to attack with radiation weapons and kill with cancer. This is what they need time to do, and why they always find a reason to ask for or incentivize others to accept the idea of giving us more time in captivity. Now, we should never have been kept in captivity. It is illegal, immoral, unethical, and cruel. But brainwashing and cult-like control is a huge part of this. They can make people believe or accept almost anything (they hope), and all they need to do is to keep the loop running long enough to “escape” and that in turn will give them the ability to continue the crime indefinitely (they believe). Another aspect of Creep is that the idea of it being about Courtney is probably a back side to it being about portraying me as a creep, the idea that I’m someone no one notices, that I want to be special, etc. That’s been both the manipulation around me, and the set ups, and the portrayals. I may have wished to be noticed, etc, but I never thought that I was a creep. But it’s not really about what I think, it’s about what the actual creeps project. At the end of the song they sing “run, run, RUN!” like a warning, which is, I think, what they wanted to do. To warn me, to warn Chris, to warn Kurt Cobain.

I think knowing this now, other songs like this will come forward. For example, Tom Petty’s “Into The Great Wide Open” (1991) and possibly Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” (1987). I definitely see it in music videos that came out after the death of Cobain, like Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun which is another mirror type song.

Back in 2014 I thought that the concept of the “hole” and the “sun” were equivalent but now I realize they are opposite. The hole represents death and darkness, while the sun represents truth.

It’s also pretty obvious, looking at this, that there’s a link between Courtney Love and Voodoo “the magic is in the hole” Doughnut, the spiral on the voodoo doll style doughnut being a link. The spiral may be worth its own entry.

I do see that in the Dirty Boots video it’s less a spiral than concentric rings, and I suspect this has to do with the acid test I would be put through on June 8, 1991, on the Klamath River (one year to the day, as it turns out, before the release of Faith No More’s album Angel Dust). The target shape looks like a topographic map.

As it appears on the t-shirt, it could be a vinyl record, a mountain peak, or a hole.

James Burdyshaw quote followed by Everett True’s commentary

From Nirvana: The True Story (2006) p 80 – with my own commentary following

Nirvana: True Story - quote by James Burdyshaw

Coming back to this quote that caused all the ruckus, a few things stand out to me. Did Burdyshaw even ever see Nirvana perform? All the things he says contradict each other so much that it seems entirely possible the whole thing is made up. Why is it so important to put him in a book?

There’s a footnote here, number 22, the number of the Fool. The footnote reads “James is exactly describing “sifting here -which is very Melvins.”


Afraid to grade
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Cross, self-loss
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Wet your bed
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Some felt numb
Wouldn’t it be fun?

Your eyes
Teacher said
Your eyes
Teacher said
Your eyes
Teacher said
Preacher said

Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you
Don’t have nothing for you

Spell the smell
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Search for a church
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Wet your bed
Wouldn’t it be fun?
Cold and coals
Wouldn’t it be fun?

Your eyes
Teacher said
Your eyes
Teacher said
Your eyes
Preacher said
The Preacher said

Don’t have nothing for you (etc)

A few things stand out about Sifting – first – I don’t exactly understand the title. Initially I didn’t understand anything much about Nirvana lyrics but over time I started to understand them pretty well. Maybe this has to do with sifting through something, looking for something. Maybe this song is about trying to present this atrocity like it’s a game or a puzzle to figure out, as has been done to us – Chris never would have any of it, and he was smart in that regard. I was caught in that trap for a while. Wet the bed seems like a link to Snow Bud song “Uppers Downers Inners Outers” with the line about “bed wetters.” Bladder control/loss of bladder control is done with biomedical implants. Part of what they do is try to humiliate and traumatize and give people the sense of loss of control.

In Charles Cross’ book, Heavier Than Heaven, Burdyshaw isn’t mentioned, but Cat Butt is, in that apparently in 1989 (and it must have been June 10, 1989) Nirvana stepped in as a last minute replacement for Cat Butt in Portland. I looked this up, and it was at Blue Gallery, and it sounds like it was a difficult show because the only people there were there to see Cat Butt and were basically a hostile audience. It makes me wonder why Cat Butt suddenly didn’t play, and why Nirvana was asked to step in. And I will say, that what I feel right now, is that Monica Nelson was in league with Burdyshaw, and they were in league with Courtney Love, and there was a lift off/take down plan for Nirvana, and this all had to do with global finance.

In Chris and my situation, people often want to have some kind of contact with us, apparently because even the most superficial interaction allows them to create these false FBI reports which are then used to justify biomedical attacks, torture, and even assassination by FBI/CIA. Maybe that’s what was going on.

Seattle Squid Row deep dive

It looks like, according to livenirvana.com, the band that would become Nirvana began going by the name Skid Row in 1987. There was another band in New Jersey that called itself Skid Row beginning in 1986. I think that Everett True mentioned Cobain was unaware of this other band and that seems likely to be true, especially back then.

So to recap, first I realized that Burdyshaw’s comment to Everett True about seeing Nirvana open for the Obituaries was false, and then, while trying to fact check this on Pacific Northwest Music Archives Facebook group, I watched Burdyshaw and others wriggle around trying to explain the error even though I wasn’t initially accusing them or Everett True (in this case) of lying – I just said it was likely a mistake and poor fact checking, though based on patterns and the fact that this easily correctable misstatement has been on the Obituaries Wikipedia page for 15 years, I always had doubts about this being a mistake. I also mentioned that these kinds of errors, when they’re not caught and corrected, are consequential because they are then repeated by other writers and false histories are created, and false histories often have negative consequences for real people. And then this other guy, an admin named Matthew Ward came in and shut the whole thing down, profusely thanking Burdyshaw for “clearing up a mystery” – and then after my next couple of posts to the group which I did not expect to be considered particularly controversial, I was deleted and apparently blocked. (One post was an Untouchables poster from 1980 and the other was the post about my family’s links to Jimi Hendrix.)

Of course that makes me think there’s more going on, like – if the statement about Obituaries opening for Nirvana at Squid Row in 1988 was not a mistake but a lie, why this particular lie? I may have accidentally found part of the answer when I explored the New York Times and saw Cobain’s 1994 obituary which featured a photo of Nirvana playing directly underneath the word “Obituaries.” So that likely largely explains the Obituaries part – but what Burdyshaw specifying Squid Row as the venue?

I started to follow that thread, first by looking into the venue itself. It was a hole in the wall dive that went through a lot of different businesses including, according to an 2007 article in The Stranger, Rebellious Jukebox (a record store run by Nils Bernstein 1989-92 – Bernstein later became VP of PR for Sub Pop, then did I think publicity for Matador and now is a New York based editor at Wine Enthusiast magazine described as an “exhaustive traveler” – I feel like he may have been someone I tried to contact in the past, trying to generate interest in a Boo Frog album), Righteous Rags (Jeffrey Ofelt), Squid Row, the Puss Puss Cafe, Tugs Belmont (a gay bar), Bimbo’s, the Cha Cha Lounge, Double Trouble, Lipstick Traces (early 2000s), Manray, Kincora, Bus Stop, and Pony.

I’m going to stop here because clearly this is a rabbit hole and I think the Stranger intends it to be that. In the Stranger article, two anecdotes stand out: a story about someone finding decomposing severed fingers in a crockpot, and a typical type of Courtney Love story.

poster for Sherlock Holmes Woman in Green
The Woman in Green 1945

With regards to the severed fingers, this was a theme in the 1945 hypnosis-themed Sherlock Holmes movie Woman in Green. It symbolizes murdering witnesses or potential witnesses. There’s another thing that it evokes as well which is the severed hand that appears in the Migos video for Stir Fry. The Stir Fry video seems to allude to the 1983 Wah Mee massacre that killed another Seattle club owner, John Loui of the Golden Crown. (It’s increasingly clear that many hip hop videos allude to backroom activities around grunge era Seattle. I believe it’s because the activities, issues, and people I’m writing about here about are so deeply interwoven with entertainment industry, US government, and high finance.) Also – this is worth its own entry – there seems to be something in the Migos Stir Fry video that I would call a smoking gun to tell you that Mark Lanegan, who died of COVID complications on 2/22/2022, was actually biomedically murdered. With regards to Lanegan’s death being a murder, there are actually a few smoking guns. So I will revisit this.

With regards to the Courtney Love story, it is told by (Cha Cha Lounge co-owner) Jeffrey Ofelt and takes place during the Righteous Rags era, probably around 1993. “Courtney Love came in to pick up a coat for Kurt Cobain that she had on layaway and was buying as a Christmas present. It was a leather trench coat or something. She came in to make a payment, and she wanted to use the phone, and she was smoking.” The coat was “a leather trench coat or something”? Was Kurt Cobain – or anyone in the early 1990s – ever seen wearing a leather trench coat? I mean, I’ve been wrong before, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say not.

This whole thing about combining two memories into one? That happens. But in this case, I suspect two garments were combined into one. This is another entry, maybe.

I did not expect things to get this complicated.

Back to Squid Row, specifically. That bar seems to have opened in 1986 (possibly) but really got going with live music in 1987. The only record I have of Chris Newman playing there is for Claudia Gherke’s 28th birthday in 1988, with Snow Bud and the Flower People. I’m thinking this venue might have been a bit small for him during that era, but he would usually play for people he considered friends who asked him to do special events like birthdays. He was even cajoled into reviving Napalm Beach for birthdays years after he swore he’d never play as Napalm Beach again.

This is partly why I’ve focused so hard on Squid Row – because Chris was asked to play first as Napalm Beach at the Vogue for Claudia’s 27th birthday, and this was right before the Vogue started doing Sub Pop Sundays – and then he was asked to play Claudia’s 28th birthday at Squid Row as Snow Bud – and both those times, a Sub Pop super group known as Bundy Creature opened for him. It was like some weird book end.

I did not know (or remember, I suppose I’d read it) that one of the names for Nirvana, in early 1987, was Skid Row. According to livenirvana.com, that name lasted about three months between April and June, and they played around four shows under that name. They played Tacoma’s Community World Theatre on June 12, 1987 as Skid Row but on June 27, 1987 they played the same venue as Pen Cap Chew. June 27 is an important date because June 27, 1988 was the day Bret Bowman was hit by a car, it was the day that Sub Pop Sundays ended, and I know that date was picked out for Bret to be hit at least June 27, 1987, a year ahead of time, because I’d recorded a predictive dream that night. But it’s possible, and I’ll have to look into this more deeply – by June 1987 Kurt Cobain was also already on the creep store murder menu.

Cobain stands out among other musicians because of his willingness to distinguish, from my perspective, right from wrong, with regards to what Chris and I were being put through. Thus, the symbolism of a severed finger (accusation).

With regards to Cobain using the name Skid Row – the history of the term Skid Row is interesting and I didn’t know that a lot of sources trace it directly to Seattle. Basically, in the early days of Pacific Northwest logging, lumberjacks were faced with moving these giant trees out of the forest by pulling them with horses (usually) or oxen. The easiest way to do this was to pull them downhill (obviously) so that’s how they logged – they’d build a flat “road” into the woods, and skid the trees down the road to the mill. The road was called a skid road. Lumber camps or tent cities were built along these roads, and the tent cities were eventually called “skid row.” I think the reason that the name Skid Row is associated with Seattle is because there was a large and maybe famous or semi-permanent skid row area in Seattle back in those days. This links to me. How? Where I grew up, in Humboldt County, we had the same thing going on. I grew up at the edge of a redwood forest that had been logged in the late 1800s and again in the early 1900s and right behind our house in the woods was a skid road. We called it “the old logging road” but it was a skid road. I played in that area a lot as a child and I have reason to believe there was surveillance around our favorite spots – probably wireless cameras attached to trees feeding data to hidden drones. In addition, in the summer of 1986, Bret Bowman and I both worked at the Samoa Cookhouse, an old logging camp cookhouse in Eureka that catered to tourists. He was a dishwasher and I a hostess and I’m sure there was surveillance in there, too.

Also, my assertion is there was always a plan to leave Chris and I impoverished, as others grew wealthy from exploiting us and spreading damaging lies about us. It was no accident that by the late 1990s Chris became homeless, living in “tarp town” San Francisco, a modern skid row. Finally, it’s possible that Nirvana’s temporary band name was a direct nod to the Squid Row tavern, because clearly the Vogue was important with regards to an agenda around Chris, and like I said, 1987-88 were bookended by Chris playing with Sub Pop’s Bundy Creature first at Vogue, and then at Squid Row.

Bars seem to be important with regards to the structure of this surveillance-linked exploitation, probably because they are gathering places, and exchanges of money, goods, or backroom deals can be made without drawing undue attention. And squid are sea creatures known for having large eyes, excellent vision.

Sometime between June 27 and August 9, 1987, according to livenirvana.com, Cobain played a house party in Raymond, Washington called the Green House. Other sources, like Charles’ Cross’ Heavier Than Heaven, say their first show was at a Raymond, Washington house party. on March 7, 1987. So there’s some conflict about what was going on in these early days, but I’m putting all of this here because Cobain killed himself in a greenhouse, because the Seattle police, when they released suicide photos in 2014 filtered all the photos to have a green tinge.

Photos of Cobain suicide scene released by Seattle police are tinged green.

Raymond is a small town, a half hour drive from Aberdeen. According to the Charles Cross biography, the March 7, 1987 show was set up by somene named Ryan Aigner. Cross’ claim that this was Nirvana’s first show conflicts with the information posted on livenirvana.com which has him playing as early as December 1985 as “fecal matter” with Dale Crover on bass and Greg Hokanson on drums. None of this online stuff is sourced, so I don’t know where the information comes from but maybe over time I’ll figure it out. If I were a writer being paid to write a book about Nirvana, I’d definitely want to chase down these leads. I’m guessing this has been addressed somewhere in a more recent book.

I want to also draw attention to this name “Bliss” which shows up briefly as an August 1987 proto-Nirvana band name and say that, like Heck being a name from my family tree, Bliss a name from Chris’ family tree, on his mother’s side. They were descended from the brother of a famous hymn writer named P.P. Bliss who had died along with his wife in a train crash (Ashtabula River railroad disaster).

Squid Row Info Sources:

What’s in a name (part 2) Green Pajamas, Brown Towel

This is one of those things that people will say is a minor detail or I don’t know but it’s bothering me so I’m going to write it out. I suspect it’s not such a minor detail and it may intertwine with something else.

In the 1980s it looks like there were at least three bands in Seattle with the word “Green” in their names – Green River, Green Pajamas, Green Ice. I could go down a whole rabbit hole with the word green but I’ll just say that it seems like it’s widely understood to be historically linked to magic and witchcraft (the green knight), alchemy (the green lion), and more recently, mind control including use of directed energy weapons. I am a bit fascinated by who has green eyes (I have green eyes and so do Courtney Love and Kathleen Hanna I think) and I don’t have enough information to draw any conclusions about that but I do know, again, based on patterns, that frequency-based manipulations are done on babies in utero. Based on patterns, also, I know that when I was born, my mother’s labor was induced by this technology, and so was my labor (in short, they use the tech to force your water to break). This isn’t my main point here so I’m not going to do a full argument but there’s pattern-based evidence for this.

Ever since I was a small child, if someone asked me what my favorite color was, I’d say it was green. In my mind, it was because I had green eyes.

I have read two books focused on the life of Kurt Cobain, the book by Charles Cross “Heavier Than Heaven” and the book by Everett True, “Nirvana: The True Story.” Chris bought Azeraad’s older official biography and read it, but I’ve never read that one. I’ve seen movies like Kurt & Courtney and Francis’ Montage of Heck (Heck is a name in my paternal grandmother’s family tree and I am certain this is related. It’s hard to avoid tangents – but my Seattle Grandma Helen Meyer, a nurse at Swedish Hospital, seems to have been important.)

Anyway, in one of these biographies, I assume it was True’s, there is this mention of Kurt getting married to Courtney wearing green pajamas. I say I assume it was True’s biography because I tried to find the reference this morning and couldn’t find it in Everett True’s book, but I found a description in Charles Cross’ book, and in Charles Cross’ book Cobain got married in blue plaid pajamas (p 234). I’m sure there are photos and I assume both True and Cross looked at photos and perhaps they interpreted the colors of the pajamas differently, or maybe they were making some other point, I really don’t know.

But in the background of all of this, I was trying to figure out how to interpret and talk about the early band names Nirvana was using. In order to figure out how to do that, I had looked at Nirvana’s early show history, and how they were being billed early on. According to livenirvana.com, their first performance was in December 1985 supporting the Melvins at Spot Tavern in the town of Pacific Beach Washington (a coastal town with a population of 291 according to the 2010 census) – as Fecal Matter. Their second show was on May 3, 1986, in Olympia at Gessco Hall, also supporting the Melvins, this time with the name Brown Towel. Their third show was in Aberdeen, under the name Stiff Woodies. After that they called themselves Skid Row until late June 1987.

from LiveNirvana.com

All three of these early band names seem, at least to me, to have some connection to me. I don’t know how interesting this is. Fecal matter is a weird one and might come up later in another context so I’m not going to talk about it right now. Stiff Woodies, same thing. Actually I’ll cover that here –

The first poem I ever wrote (I was probably 8 years old), went like this:

I had a wooden doll
she had a wooden bed
upon her wooden pillow
she lay her wooden head

I also had an Uncle Woody. He lived in Minneapolis, and was married to a woman named Millie. She eventually died of cancer (likely was assassinated) and he died of tuberculosis (definitely was assassinated). The idea the name “Millie” (and millipede) is that it relates to millions, as in a million dollars. The million dollars is a reward for helping to bring about murder – likely the murder of me and/or Chris by setting us up, creating these salacious FBI files. Lots of people are involved in this and hoping to cash in big time, and it’s obvious there’s already been a ton of money flowing around it.

My daughter had a cousin named Woodsie who died in a car crash. He was also murdered, and I know this because I’d had a premonition in a dream. While he was alive, Woodsie had come into conflict with a local timber company over harvesting rights on or near his land.

The name Stiff Woodies and actually a lot about Kurt Cobain’s art suggest that he had a pretty solid inside scoop on covert activities of this type. In recent years, I’ve had many dreams about Kurt Cobain. The only thing I really know for sure is his maternal family has been involved in covert activity for a long time. This is also true of Courtney Love’s family (both her mother and father). And it’s true of my family, Chris’ family, and my daughter’s father’s family. These families tend to intermarry I guess.

This is confusing and hard to figure out since no one admits to any of this. But something fairly unique about Cobain is he seemed to be aware, or at least to express his awareness, of medical malfeasance, and at the same time, he was clearly the subject of some pretty brutal medical malfeasance.

That brings me to the name Brown Towel. The story around this, for me, is actually pretty impactful. When I was in kindergarten at Freshwater School in the village of Freshwater, California our days were structured so that we had snack time, then nap time. After nap time was story time. For nap time, we all had brought a bath towel from home, and we’d lie down on the floor of our kindergarten classroom on these towels. The kids were all proud of their towels and they ahd all these different colors and designs. I was very excited and wanted and expected to bring with me a deep blue and green sort of paisley-design towel that I thought was very pretty, and I remember my mom telling me I wasn’t going to bring that towel, because that was one of her her good towels. She gave me a plain brown towel to use. So I was disappointed, but basically, this is how I was treated throughout my childhood. At the end of nap time, our teacher would normally say “nap time is over, put away your towels.” However, one day we had a substitute teacher, and that teacher decided to end nap time this way “Every child with red on their towel, get up and put your towel away. Every child with blue on their towel, get up and put your towel away” and so on. She went through all the colors of the rainbow, but she never said anything about the color brown. Eventually, I was the last one lying on the floor on a towel while all the other children were gathered around the teacher for story time. The teacher brought out a book and began to read a story. I’m still lying alone on this brown towel. Then the teacher says, “oh! Everyone with a BROWN towel get up and put your towel away.”

This was the beginning of excluding me, treating me badly. It became amplified after about fourth grade, and there were similar incidents to this, becoming more and more traumatizing. There were other ways that I was separated out from other students, sometimes under the guise of something positive (teacher’s pet) – and I was often complimented on being silent and not making waves. Punk rock is what changed that for me and in that sense I saw punk as something redemptive and life saving. Little did I know it was just another vehicle of manipulation. But at the time I was introduced to punk rock I needed the life-affirming energy it offered.

Do I think that that my brown towel trauma was related to Cobain’s naming his band brown towel? Yes, I do. Because there are other references in his songs that directly relate to minor traumas of this type that I experienced during childhood. Being “hosed down” (Paper Cuts), being burnt on the arm with a cigarette “by accident” (Sliver), etc.

So the obvious question is how would Cobain know that all of these things were happening to me, and an ancillary question is, is it possible that some of all of these things were to HIM. I suspect that some of these things did happen to him, but I don’t know. It does seem like he knew that these were deliberately induced traumas.

Sometime in 2019 I concluded that there had been surveillance in, and distributed from, Freshwater School when I was a student there. Based on hints I’ve seen in movies, it seems it was distributed to people working in the entertainment industry. Based on patterns, I can conclude that there was surveillance trafficked from inside the classrooms, and from around and most likely from inside the girl’s and boy’s bathrooms.

This would not have been going on without the US federal government’s seal of approval. What is really remarkable about all of this is that people seem to be willing to engage in these kinds of behaviors, and even to fight to continue these behaviors, but the thing that really freaks them out is the idea that someone will openly discuss, or expose these behaviors – the deliberate traumatizing of children, the surveilling of children in private spaces like bathrooms, and the manipulation of children. As for why parents and teachers would take part in this, it seems to be a combination of conditioning, herd mentality, and financial incentives.