A name kept coming to me over the past few days, awake and asleep – and I understood the name to be Immerwehr which would be German for something like “always weaponized.” When I tried to look it up online, it kept flipping to Immerwahr and specifically a historian named Daniel Immerwahr. Immerwahr would mean “always true.” (True as in truth, rather than fidelity). My understanding is Daniel Immerwahr is a link to something, and being as he was born in 1980, it’s probably about family and/or connections. He does seem to have a famous grandmother called Clara Immerwahr (1870-1915), who, according to Wikipedia, was the first German woman to be awarded a doctorate in chemistry in Germany. Apparently she was a pacifist married to Fritz Haber who was largely responsible for developing the poison gasses used by Germany in World War I. She died by self-inflicted gunshot wound.
This alone links to two things immediately in my mind – first is my mother’s 1990s history doctorate which was in German Women Doctors of the 19th Century. The second was nurses notes in Chris’ hospice records where a nurse claimed that Chris and I had a loud argument (“yelling”) and saying that I said “Something about “she” is responsible for Kurt Cobain’s death and all the chemical warfare in this country” – a concocted and mystifying quote. (The “she” in the quote is I think supposed to be Chris’ sister Becky.)
Sometimes when quotes are concocted in records, they contain hidden truths. I have no idea if something like this is going on.
I also sense a link here to the incident that occurred in February 1974, when my mother’s horse fell into a booby trap, which the sheriffs (I believe disingenously) claimed was a “sinkhole” caused by an “underground stream.” Again – everywhere in that area the soil is packed clay. In fact, I have reason to believe that the Vietnam-era hole was created with explosives and covered up, similar to a military booby trap, and may have involved some of our neighbors working on behalf of the CIA – some of them had military backgrounds (Marines) and some had backgrounds in explosives. Had that incident been investigated properly, it would have been treated as a crime scene and those neighbors would have been questioned. Two months later, the pony incident occurred. Because when you don’t treat a crime as a crime all it does is empower the instigators to do more, and bigger, crimes.
That this booby trap and the pony incident were linked to the color blue has come through again and again.
Six years later, in 1980, Talking Heads released an album called Remain In Light with a song called “Once In A Lifetime” which references “water flowing underground” and features a repeated refrain “same as it always was” – In German Immerwar would men “Always was.”
Based on all of this – chemicals being linked to explosives – the “water flowing under ground” being the explanation given for the hole – and the idea of “always was/immerwar” – I think there’s some kind of connection between the name Immerwahr and the February 1974 booby trap.
Also – I think there’s a link to season 1 episode 1 of the Barney Miller show “Ramon” – where the police are taken hostage and Barney narrowly escapes being shot, explaining later “A situation like this happens once in a lifetime. You realize what that means? I’m safe for the rest of my lifetime.” (Obviously none of this is true.)
In the Nirvana song “Blew” Cobain says
Is there another reason for your stain?
Could you believe who we knew stress or strain?
Here is another word that rhymes with shame, yeah
Maybe suggesting that those accusing others are hiding something about themselves (“another reason for your stain”). As for a word that rhyme with shame, it could be pain (Payne).
As for Immerwahr, I have the sense that Daniel Immerwahr specifically is linked to manufactured FBI files.