Month: June 2022

Wives and Honey Traps

Chris and I had a lot of parallels in our lives, one being that, before we had met each other, unbeknownst to us, all our our respective former partners – boyfriends, girlfriends, and in his case, two ex-wives – had been honey traps, apparently, all ultimately linked to CIA/FBI. There appear to be a lot of people world wide who would love to minimize the significance of such a thing, but from my perspective, it is a terrible thing that should never be minimized. Keep in mind that we were artists and civilians, not spies – so the idea that we’d be snared by such an endeavor never even crossed our minds. There’s a lot more to say about this as well.

On August 23, 1991 Chris married Valarie Rea Cauldwell. Valarie seems to have been a honeytrap in the making for Chris since she was a young child, and I suspect that Chris’ family members fully knew this, though Chris never did. In January 2005 Chris and Valarie divorced and on February 14, 2007, Chris married Denise Hackett Smith. Chris and Denises’ relationship was long distance, they never shared a household (though Chris believed that one day they would), and they didn’t get along for more than a few days at a time. Denise was, from my perspective, deliberately emotionally abusive to Chris. After 15 months, Denise filed for divorce.

Chris, until the day he died, believed that Denise practiced “radical honesty” – but that was never true, and if Chris had truly thought about it, he too would have realized it wasn’t true, being as long after their divorce, Denise had a habit of contacting (and/or responding inappropriately to) Chris behind my back. I am not saying this as a specific criticism to Denise – but the truth is, that the kind of deception that has surrounded both Chris and me is so thick, pervasive, systematic and damaging – I think at the very least I should be free to air it out a little bit.

Chris and I met in 2007, and became a couple in March 2009, about three months after his divorce from Denise was final. Our intentions to marry officially were deliberately thwarted in different ways by a number of different people.

The truth is, considering the big picture, Chris and I should have met much earlier than we did. I am not necessarily defending the structure into which we were placed, but if you are going to have a system in which two people are destined from birth to be together, it is unkind to keep them separated and set up with honeytraps year after year after year.

Chris’ biography, memoirs

Some people have taken an interest in the fact that Chris began writing his memoirs. This is something he started probably in 2010 after Eric Danielson published a short biography of Chris (dated Feb 28, 2010). Chris worked on his own memoir project off and on until the bizarre kidnapping incident happened to me in January 2014, at which point, I think that everything became so disrupted and confusing that he stopped.

Chris always gave me the impression of refusing to have his understanding of his past, his community, his place in the world shaken by the crazy things that were increasingly happening to and around us, but I suspect that deep down he knew something was off. In any case, our world was quite suddenly very profoundly disrupted, and he seemed to leave off the project at that time and never pick it up again. I know that he didn’t consider it a finished work, and that he wouldn’t have wanted it to have been distributed in its current form.

That said, it contains some useful biographical information as well as memories of experiences that were important to Chris. There is not as much about music in it as one might expect, even though Chris embodied rock n’ roll and loved reading biographies of other musicians. I think in part it’s because of where he was at the time, reassessing or remembering his life in terms of family and other relationships.

Chris was someone I became increasingly interested in between the years of 2006 and 2009 when we began work together musically. I was interested in him first as a musician. I had a lot of questions about him, as I could tell that he was extremely talented and accomplished, yet somehow at the same time, it was very difficult to find any of his albums, or even information about him online. After we’d begun to work together on music, I wrote a poem about him, which I published on MySpace, which was one of those poems I typed on the computer rather than writing down, and because of that, as far as I know, has unfortunately been lost to time. I do remember that I started out describing him as “Black cat, working life number 8” – and envisioned myself as something like an acolyte, following behind him, trying to gather together his recordings – his works. I remember that I had a line about the “moth holes in his blazer” which he thought was funny, because his clothing was not moth-eaten but damaged by cigarette burns.

The work that Eric Danielson did in 2009 and 2010, though flawed, was important because he was filling in blank spaces. The research Danielson did on Chris’ discography was particularly important. Unfortunately, I don’t think that Danielson has been working as a disinterested or supportive party, and that has resulted in increasing problems in what he’s been publishing. Danielson is hardly alone in this regard. There appears to be a system at work which has been sabotaging Chris work and life going back to his childhood, while also consistently and relentlessly wiping away evidence of Chris’ entire existence.

I am determined not to let the wiping machine win.

There is really a lot to be explained or discussed about how Chris approached his music and his legacy. Chris cared about his legacy. And if I had any doubts about that, looking back today at message Chris sent to Mark Lanegan in February 2021, it’s clear that Chris cared – in that moment, it felt to him like one of the most important things he’d done was record with Mark – an album that, like most of Chris’ records – no record label would touch, which Chris finally had to self-release on Bandcamp.

There’s a lot to be said about these things.

Untimely Deaths

Below is embedded a long thread I started in July 2020, trying to call attention to what I consider to be an unreasonably large number of untimely deaths of musicians in the Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco music scenes (of the 1980s, 1990s, mostly). I was trying to pound the alarm, basically, and put a stop to what I knew were not random events.

Little did I know that less than a year later, Chris would be gone, and less than two years later, Sam Henry would also be gone. These deaths, even though they are from cancers, heart attacks, car crashes – are murders.

Since Chris died, I see that misinformation has come out about, not just his death, but about his life. Reviewing his Wikipedia page the other day, I felt that I shouldn’t just let what I knew to be either false information, or gaping holes in the true information (he died of cancer, but it was still murder) – stand completely unchallenged.

In June 2021 I spent about two days straight attempting to report Chris’ death to Portland Police as a murder, and they spent two days avoiding and/or discounting me, refusing to even take a report, much less open an investigation. In fact, I have a lot of information supporting the fact that Chris was murdered, and that many people were involved.

Nonetheless, as time goes by, and people continue to die from these same kinds of financed, slander-instigated, wireless attacks, I think it is actually important that the true story is supported and brought forward until it at the very least becomes part of the narrative.